I had a very enjoyable session last week with a young man. He was very attractive in a baby-faced sort of way, and very kind, which I like. We made conversation as I walked into his penthouse apartment. It was actually his parent’s apartment, but they were away in China, visiting family.
He told me that he was really nervous about sex, ever since his last relationship. He had been with a woman for about a year who did not like sex. In fact, she had a serious aversion to all sexual activities. “But you are a professional, and you can guide me through the experience” he said.
I was touched by his willingness to be vulnerable, his sweetness, and his pain. I took the lead sexually, and we spent a good part of the session exploring. After his first orgasm, we lie together, cuddling. “You’re helping me come alive and enjoy sex again,” he said. He had a lot of questions for me, mostly concerning his last relationship. He told me how she would pressure him to come seconds after penetration, that she wanted him to ‘just get it over with,’ and how inadequate he felt after a year of this sort of experience. I assured him that what he described said more about his ex than it did about him. “It sounds like she has a very low libido, and most likely she has suffered trauma that makes sex aversive to her,” I told him. “It’s not you. You’re sexy, and you’re a considerate lover.”
“I’m really scared to use my fingers to pleasure a woman,” he told me. “When I tried that with her, she didn’t like it.”
“Well,” I said. “If you’d like to try with me, I can guide you through it.”
He approached me with great hesitation, but after some encouragement, he began to visibly relax and enjoy pleasuring me. I showed him how to bring me to orgasm with his fingers.
We spent another hour together, and by the end, he was glowing. “You brought back my enjoyment of sex!” He said over and over. His enthusiasm was contagious. I left feeling deep happiness and a rightness about my work. Sex does not always have to be about a personal relationship to be deeply connected and healing. In fact, sometimes that is exactly what a person needs. I hope for the day when this work is recognized as a legitimate healing art and I can work openly without stigma.